I would like to be in charge of myself. My brain and my body. My emotions and all of that.
I’m NOT. I would like to be, but apparently that’s a completely irrational desire. Maybe other people are in charge of themselves, but my body has proven to me time after time that it doesn’t give a crap what I want. It does its own thing.
Now is no exception. The disagreement I’ve been having with my neck has come to a head. And my neck won. I just dropped out of the last orchestra concert of the season. We were going to play a Beethoven symphony. Well, they still are. I’m not.
I had to play for all of an hour yesterday, to accompany a couple of my students at their recital. Afterward I felt like my neck had been hit by a car. Over the course of the day it got worse. It ended with me drinking way too much homemade dairy-free Bailey’s in an attempt to numb the extreme pain and make me forget about how scary the prospect of pulling my nerve again is.
I have some advice for everyone. Don’t hurt your neck. Don’t hurt any part of your body that you need to use for your job. It results in not being able to work. And when you don’t work you don’t get money. I already miss the money I would have gotten for that concert. It was going to pay for my vacation to Boise.
I swear I’ll write something about writing soon. As soon as I get motivated to write…