Nothing

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I read a quote that said something like “Nothing you’re doing should feel like work unless you don’t want to be doing it.” I’m not sure who it was.

I’m still trying to figure out what it is I want to do with my life. So far, nothing I’m doing seems like the right thing. All I keep thinking is that I want to make a living writing, but I know that’s not logical and that I may not like it anyway.

I want to just find something that I love doing that I could get paid to do. It doesn’t seem like it should be so hard to find something like that. Other people manage, or at least that’s what it looks like to me.

Volunteering is exciting, but none of the places feel quite right, just like everything else. I don’t know if I could do that stuff for work and be happy for long. I’m sure a lot of people would say that it doesn’t have to feel right, that work is work and you just deal with it. I think I’ve already said that that doesn’t really work for me. I get overwhelmed and want to run away. I don’t, of course, but I wish I could. Once I start wishing I could, that feeling doesn’t go away.

At the same time it’s hard to leave. I recently decided to quit orchestras. Then I got asked to do a concert and I’m questioning my decision again. I can’t make up my mind.

I think if I’d found something I love, all these questions would be easier. I hope I don’t go through my entire life never finding what I’m looking for.

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