I haven’t written in quite a while. I’ve been busy.
There are some big changes in my immediate future. Huge.
1. I’m quitting school. Or, rather, not going back for now. Considering how erratic my thoughts and desires are, I may decide to go back in a few years.
2. I’m selling my condo, quitting my job of 4 years (both of them), and moving to Denver. The big city. My husband and I found ourselves in a situation where we had to move because we were going to lose our workspace, and we thought, “Hey if we have to move anyway, let’s MOVE.”
Yes, it’s only 80 miles away, but it’s going to be very different down there. I’ve been missing living there for a while. I think my city just started to feel kind of small and claustrophobic. And, if you couldn’t tell from my many frustrated posts, I’ve been in a little bit of a rut here. I’m looking forward to a fresh start so much that I’m barely even scared.
3. I mentioned above that I’m quitting my jobs. No more symphony, no more teaching my students. I’m applying for jobs at bookstores and coffee shops, trying to be a normal person. But, for all the changes, my first interview is at a violin studio. Go figure. But hey, if I can make more money teaching at a studio in a city than I make here, I can deal with it. Maybe even enjoy it.
4. A big one… I’m having a baby. That may change things more than I’m expecting.
If I don’t get a normal person job, but I do get a teaching job, I’m going to be working 1 day a week for a while. 1 day a week! Sounds like a dream for someone who doesn’t particularly like working, but what am I going to do with myself for the other 6 days each week until I build up more students?
I’m entertaining the idea of keeping a few of my northerly students, at least for a while until things pick up in Denver. I can drive up once a week. After all, it’s only 80 miles.
I want to try to stay in the string quartet that we JUST formed. I still think I’ll enjoy playing in a quartet more than in a symphony right now, and I’m not ready to give it up so quickly.
I’m also considering continuing to volunteer at the conservation society and bookstore up here, again until I figure out how things are going to go in Denver. If I ever get busy down there, I can start letting things go up here.
And, of course, I can get back to writing. I’ve been so busy lately looking for work, looking for a place to live, moving my stuff out of my condo and into a storage unit so it doesn’t look like the tasmanian devil lives here, and cleaning that I haven’t written in weeks. And before that one time that I wrote weeks ago, I hadn’t written in months. I need to get back to it.
If I have 6 free days a week… Even if I only have 4 free days a week, that’s a lot of time to write. I better start writing at least a couple hours every day. At first I’ll have to force myself into it, not because I don’t want to do it but because my creative brain is just hiding pretty deep in my head right now. Eventually, though, I’m hoping that it will come naturally again.
I want to get back to where I was before I went to school, writing almost every day for a good amount of time. Back then I was actually making progress on my story. Sadly, I think the last time I made any real progress lately was over Christmas break. That needs to change.
Everything is changing. I got frustrated one day, more frustrated than usual, and really considered what I would miss if I left this city. Not just what I would miss, but what I couldn’t give up. And the answer was nothing.
I can’t give up my husband, writing, or my tiny little olive-sized baby. But I can give up everything else.
I think realizing that I could walk away from school with hardly a second thought changed things a lot. It told me that I still have no clue what I want to do with my life. It told me that I shouldn’t go into more student loan debt for something I’m not sure about. It told me that I didn’t care about all of that as much as I thought I did.
After all my attempts to change my life through changing my work, I’m now changing my life in every way EXCEPT my work. I may move to Denver and just be a violin teacher again. But I think I might be okay with that. I’m finally realizing that work isn’t everything, and that if I can make a life that I’m happy with, maybe how I make my money doesn’t matter that much.
It will also help if I make a much higher volume of money in Denver than I make here. That makes everything better.